On Grief – The Role It Plays
I’m going to start off by talking about grief. Now, this is not because I’m a grief counselor (if you need one, they are highly skilled and specialized in working with you through this), but because grief shows up when shit hits the fan – and the force can knock you to your knees! Before I get too deep, know that every single person grieves individually, and the approach and tools need to respond individually. No cookie cutter processes here. Whenever you experience loss, grief is there. This applies whether you lose a job, a partner, a friend or family member, your own identity. If you’ve wondered why holidays are harder, it’s because grief transforms the traditions we make across our lives. So, what do you do when grief hits? There is no order, no specific steps to follow for it to poof! away. Believing it’s something to get beyond (so that it never comes back) will set yourself up for disappointment, because it will return, sneaking up on you again and again. Far better to prepare in advance, building a plan that starts with the three Cs: choose, connect, and communicate. Choose what’s best for you, especially during the hardest times. Do what you can, and don’t do what you can’t. Connect with others. Grief is an intense loneliness, leading to isolation. Hearing how are you doing gets hard, but be authentic. Faking it will prevent others from knowing how to best support you. Communicate your needs. Let’s be real: vulnerability is raw and feels awkward, but healing comes by talking about how the breakdowns affect you. If your closest circle is not the place, then turn to outside support, like me. I focus on allowing you the time and space to feel it all, reframe your negative thoughts (my life scripts), and guiding you to acceptance and commitment. By doing this, you take back control of accepting your feelings, not running from them. Here’s a visual for you: think about it like a mountain. If you go up, you have to come down. If you go under, you have to climb back up. However, figuring out how to scratch, claw, and burrow through gives you a couple of tools to navigate the next grief mountain. Each time, you collect more tools, but you have to go through it. Don’t get discouraged! Because the more you go through, the easier it gets.
